“I know. At Dusk. That is such a hard time for me!”

09Nov09

A good friend of mine is right on the edge of falling in love.  I could not be more thrilled.  Or sad.

Selfishness is so awful!

This reminds me of one of the most funny TV episodes I have likely ever seen.  On the day of Monica and Chandler’s wedding on Friends, it is feared that Chandler has decided to leave Monica at the altar.  Everyone is devastated, and then of course must not let Monica know anything is wrong until they have first spoken to Chandler.  Rachel is given the task of stalling Monica and does so by trying to gain Monica’s sympathy for the fact that she has not yet found someone for herself.

It is ironically not funny at all unless you know that Rachel is purely doing this to distract Monica from the situation at hand.  Knowing the whole story makes it completely hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZjrTBD7sJY

All kidding and TV clips aside, I am so overjoyed.  Naturally as I watch a friend walk through any major life change that I have not experienced myself it is a challenge.  I will experience an array of emotions I am sure.  Altogether I will rejoice.  True love is utterly deserved by many, and this one takes the cake.  I am looking forward to seeing the whole thing unfold.

Filed under: and so it goes, life overdramatized   |  Leave a Comment

the definition of too much: when I feel like every song lyric is speaking to me

02Nov09

This weekend has been one of a lot, and A LOT, if introspection.  I went on a ‘wilderness retreat’ (complete with wi-fi) this weekend with some girls.  It was a good time, but stretching for my soul.

Normally when I go on these brief soul searching missions I find out things about myself that I knew all along but I still find myself helpless to do anything about.  This time someone confronted me with something that I hadn’t really thought about before.  My life, in the significant parts, has been a history of intense emotional/spiritual experiences.  These experiences really happened and are true/relevant/valid.  However much of what I am and what I find important is emotionally based.

No reason to swing the other way and assume that my emotions/emotional experiences are suddenly invalid, nor to assume that I never exercise my mind (duh, can we say graduate school?!).  However I would like to allow myself some time and space to consider giving more of my time to investing in roots:  faith, habits, the present, reality.

That area of my brain is at best extremely dusty and at worst totally atrophied.  It could get interesting.

Filed under: glimpses of the piping hot bowl of crazy that is me, life overdramatized   |  Leave a Comment

a hard lesson: all the snuggling in the world does not make your problems disappear

29Oct09

Wondering whether life was better before I knew.

Filed under: glimpses of the piping hot bowl of crazy that is me, life overdramatized, probably shouldn't have said that   |  2 Comments

you can kiss my ankle, baby [to the tune of "I can be your hero, baby"]

21Oct09

Today I went on a tour for work where I probably met at least 20 people I have never met before.  They were all very casual introductions.  I was with my boss who is an intensely humble man, and people seem to sense it, so they are very very polite and kind to him.  People give him a lot of room and a lot of respect.  He deserves it.  Really.

Meanwhile I am still pretty shy during corporate events and  stood behind him like a giant fat scared puppy.  However, I was profoundly affected a few years ago by a little Meg Ryan quote that discusses the importance of using your last name when introducing yourself.  Therefore I am pretty good about standing up, shaking a hand and saying my name loud and clear.

Until today.  Until today when I met the most fabulously handsome guy just sitting there behind his supervisory cubicle at which point I thought to myself good gracious you must be totally too young for me, but I do not care.  You are so handsome and innocent and look at your perfectly tousled hair and could you be any more burly and yet you have this slight edge about you that says at work I am so good, but anywhere else:  bad.

And when he reached for my hand,  I just squeaked.

Filed under: and so it goes, probably shouldn't have said that, what i did last night   |  2 Comments

brain brain go away

20Oct09

I hate this statement, but it is true:  a lot is happening, and nothing is happening.

Today I sat in a meeting for work going over our revised benefit policies.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful that I have a job with benefits, and I will never be sorry or depressed about that.  At the same time it took everything that I had, while  sitting there watching some guy in a suit talk about percentages, to not cry.

There is a man in my life that I love but we won’t end up together.  If we do we will have been completely duped, and I worry whether we’d ever really be happy.  It is what it is.  I hate being a woman going through something like this because everything compiles, one thing right on top of the other.  When I have a good day, everything is good.  A bad moment appears and suddenly everything is completely bad.  Everything.

I sat today in the meeting and in my brain my entire life converged in the midst of this benefit lecture.  I realized that I have no family to support, no children for which to use my pre-tax daycare exemption, and wondered if I ever will.  It is sad that so many things in my life are absolutely perfect (and I mean perfect), but I have to find the one missing piece and sit and stare at that?  I feel like in some ways I am a total Pollyanna and in some ways I am the biggest Debbie Downer in the entire world.

Who cries over insurance?  Really?

Filed under: glimpses of the piping hot bowl of crazy that is me, probably shouldn't have said that, what i did last night   |  Leave a Comment